Struggles Part 1 + 2 – (poetry)

By Jacky

Part 1:  I struggle as a woman.

I am Mujer.
Soy mujer, nacie del mar
Con una bella concha
Radiante y llena de lojura

Creciendo entre bien y mal
Tratando de escapar barreras
de mi cultura y mi genero.
Soy mujer, no un animal
Trapada en una sombra
Que no me deja continuar
Me caigo en un hollo tan profundo
Se que no hay salida, te encontrare.
Y cuando salga, me vas a suplicar
Por que soy mujer
Yo soy vida, y nadie me va matar
I am Mujer!

Part 2: A struggle within a struggle.

Como mujer, me tratan menos
Como immigrante, no existo
Cultures clash and identities revolt
I question my identity quite often
Because I am undocumented, but I am completely merged and have assimilated to American ideologies.
Pero soy immigrante! Soy de Mexico!
And I have this insistent necessity to find my cultural identity.
Yo quiero saber si mi gente, si mi familia viene de la historia mesoamericana!
Pero ni se como es mi Mexico.
I don’t know how it smells, how it feels, how it sounds, how it is.
Am I authentic?
When I ascribe to an idea like feminism, which is so Western?
When my Spanish has a heavy American accent?
When all my childhood memories are of Orange County?
How do I say I am Mexicana! When I have no bonds
I – am – American?
But I am living in the shadows
I am marginalized
I am refused.
I am no one to this system.
Yet, I provide so much for my community.
I tutor children
Teach art classes
Went to college,
Got a degree
I am capital.
So what the fuck?
Why can’t I be given an opportunity?

Jacky, a recent graduate from UC Irvine with B.A. in Psychology & Social Behavior. Currently working at Latino Health Access, a non-profit for healthy communities in Orange County facing issues like diabetes and obesity.

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